The death of my son inspired me to write. I have never written in my life and I am not a professional writer. I started writing a diary to express my emotions and feelings after losing my beloved eldest son Adam in 2009. The death of my son was unexpected and very sudden, which kept me in shock for a while as I struggled to accept that he was not part of my life anymore. I decided to seek Bereavement Counselling. I was kept on the waiting list for so long that in the meantime I found writing a diary a source of comfort. Later, I decided not to go through the counseling route.

I found writing therapy very effective for me. I had heard a lot about the power of writing, but didn’t know how powerful it was. When I started the diary I made a promise to myself to continue only for a year, as I didn’t want to rely on writing the diary for the rest of my life.
I used to write whenever I felt the urge to express my feelings, so there was no set pattern. Sometimes daily, sometimes after a week, sometimes when I was too upset, or on special occasions like birthdays, Eids, or family gatherings where my heart and eyes used to look for Adam.

I remember when the end of that year was approaching, I was becoming very worried and experienced anxiety just by thinking, “How will I cope without writing?” While composing my diary, I had time to reflect on my experience of losing my child, the reality of life and my belief in my creator. There were many questions I was asking myself and I read a lot to find out the answers. This journey gave me the idea to share my experience, as I found writing and self-exploration very meaningful and believed it will be useful for others to learn from my experience and take comfort.

I remember when I revealed my idea to my mother and husband; they were a bit surprised because they didn’t know what I had been writing. All they knew was that my writing was supporting and comforting me. I had full faith that if my words helped me to face the biggest tragedy of my life, they could benefit many who have gone through difficult times. My book offers a message of hope and an invitation to reflect.
I decided to do business with my creator by publishing my writings in book form. In this way, I could give my messages to readers and donate all proceeds of the book sales to different charities.

“Taray Janay Kay Baad” (After You Were Gone)
Adam passed away on the 10th Muharram, Sunday the 27th December 2009. I wrote my diary from January to December 2010, and my first book “Taray Janay Kay Baad”, was published in Urdu in April 2011. The book had great success in the UK and Pakistan. I received emails from around the world as copies were circulated widely as gifts. The very positive feedback encouraged me to continue writing.

“Taray Janay Kay Baad” took me on a new journey, where I met wonderful inspiring people, I became part of diverse households and stories, and I learned a lot about hardships, sorrows and difficulties. I was very fortunate that, through Adam’s help and support, I could reach out to those vulnerable and less fortunate in the UK and Pakistan. The income was used to support big and small charities which gave me personal satisfaction. It was a source of Sadqa e Jariya (eternal reward) for my child and all who bought the books.

“Maray Khat Taray Naam” (My Letters To You)
After nearly four years I wrote a letter to Adam. I was missing him too much and it was 10th of Muharram. Again, I felt the writing therapy was beneficial; it opened the door for me to speak to him and convey my feelings on a regular basis. The journey I shared with my son in the form of my letters helped me to express myself. Again I felt that these letters collected into a book could also benefit readers, helping them to reflect and learn positive experiences.

The second book “Maray Khat Taray Naam” was published in Urdu October 2015.
Both Urdu versions of the books are available in libraries throughout the UK. Due to high demand and requests for these books to be available in English, now both are published in English and were launched in  April 2017.

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"Sentiments" ( Ahsaas)

The third book Sentiments and Ahsaas were written by Urfana Ayub. according to Urfana Life is a constellation of emotions. Sentiments invite readers to reflect on personal behaviors and work on our relationships and make this society a better place.

(Urfana Ayub)

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